purlsandmurmers

I made a mistake

I made a mistake and now I am paying the price.

When we were in negotiations for the current rearrangement of the house, the biggest arguments were over furniture.  I'm in "less is more" category in terms of furniture; my spouse is in the "never let it go" camp.  When we needed something, or something didn't work, we would buy another something, but the old one would stay behind too, "just in case".  I felt like I was living in a furniture warehouse.  It really wasn't that bad, but it felt that way to me.

So when we were creating our little 'tv nook" and picked our chairs, I had planned two chairs, a his and hers kind of scenario.  G wanted his chair.  But he also wanted his other chair, the one he never sat in to watch tv but sometime sat in.  He wasn't willing to choose even though the springs are shot on the old chair, the arms are falling off, and it is held together by bolts and rubber bands, yes rubber bands.  I wanted my own chair, but I also wanted fewer chairs. And I didn't want to discuss it anymore.  So I caved.

But although I can sit in these chairs for a short time.  I am not comfortable sitting and knitting.  So I haven't been knitting much while we watch television in the evenings.  I get up and down a lot, move around, fiddle.  It is not particularly conducive to knitting.  And during the day I am doing other things, not knitting things.  As you would expect, there has been little knitting progress on my own projects,  We have spent some time on G's project, but at 5 to 10 stitches per hour, it is still slow going.

I recently learned however that I can pad one of the chairs with a few bed pillows and get moderately comfortable.  I can knit this way, so there is hope. I picked up the ruby bubbles cardigan and am working on it again.

G recently commented that the old chair really is uncomfortable, that it is hard and lumpy, and that it falls apart when one tries to move it.   I don't think he is ready to give it up yet, but the idea is germinating.   So now, when I shift the pillows around in my chair to prepare for an evening of knitting, I smile to myself because I know I'll have my own knitting chair yet.

No More Knitting

I have reopened my knitting blog, PurlsandMurmurs.  This combination of knitting and sewing just isn't working for me.  Somehow I feel like I can't babble on as much as I would like with everything in one place. 

Despite the fact that I have just been reading in the new Atlantic Monthly about how the Internet has shortened our attention span so that no one will read more than a couple of paragraphs, I still feel the need to go on an on.  I read a lot.  I love reading long thoughtful blog posts when other people, who actually write well, post them.  I still enjoy throwing out bucket loads full of mindless twaddle.  And so I shall.  Like my library and my books are an extension of my memory, and external hard drive of sorts, so too are these blogs. And I need them to make some sense of the jumble of my thoughts; they accomplish that best when they are separate.

Bright future

Spring colors.  I am knitting with spring colors, although there is still plenty of wool in my plans and plenty of cold weather still hanging around.  But the days are warmer and brighter because the sun is higher in the sky.  I know spring is on its way because the sun has risen past that point where I have to close the blinds in the late afternoon or the house is filled with the blinding glare and reflection of the sun on the Hudson. 

I also know spring is on the way in another sense because everything suddenly looks so much brighter.    I have been worried and preoccupied lately and I have not really felt like sharing, mostly because my thoughts and fears were far to close to my heart.  Call it superstitious perhaps, but I felt that if I voiced my wishes and dreams they might not come true.

But, as I said, Spring is in my step, in more ways than one.  I think it was good that Easter came early this year, because Easter has always been a harbinger of big changes and transitions in my life.  Again call me superstitious but I think Easter was on my side. 

DH was in the hospital last week.  He went in Wednesday for an aortic valve replacement and possible bypass.  I was worried, but not specifically about the surgery, but about many things, and I had hopes, high hopes.  DH has had a hard year since the lung cancer that was caught and removed last spring, and many other health issues in the ensuing months, some more minor, some more major.    He is home now and doing fabulously well after the surgery.

I spent the days in the hospital, but I thought I would sew in the evenings when I was home.  I always forget how exhausting sitting can be.  Those things I attempted to sew are best forgotten now.  It is only fabric after all and there is some fabric that will never be shown on this blog.  There was also a laughable attempt at a muslin, but that at least can be redone.

There are bits and pieces of things in process, and hopefully there will be things to show again soon, not just mistakes to toss into the trash.  I'm not quite there yet but I will be because my heart is lighter now and my ability to focus has also returned.

You see, I knew that the surgeons could fix DH's heart, this is such a common procedure now and the evidence was that this would be pretty straightforward.  But I had been watching my love slip away mentally, no longer paying attention, not seeing things, not following conversations, losing the ability to perform simple tasks.  This was very sad.  And although it is known that heart disease can cause one to be tired. and lose mental acuity, none of his doctors believed that the heart disease was the root of his problems.  They expected chest pain and angina, traditional symptoms, which my DH did not have until very recently, although he had a severely stenotic valve, and extensive disease in two arteries.  But he always did marvelously on stress tests, felt fine when he exercised, had no chest pain, and had no severe arterial blockages.   They all thought the memory issues had to be caused by something else because they see these as "secondary symptoms".  But they found extensive disease over a widespread swath of the affected arteries, just not a thick blockage at a single point.  They found a seriously malfunctioning valve.

And the first thing I noticed is that DH is brighter.  He notices things he hadn't noticed for a long time such as colors and music.  It is as if he could see and hear, but he had stopped registering these things.  We have conversations again.  He remembers what was said.  He cracks jokes.   He reads an article and discusses it.  These are all things I once took for granted.  These are all things I thought I had lost. 

I had hoped that the surgery would bring my DH back to me, at least in part.  I am reveling in finding this person has been returned to me.  And yes, now I know that spring is truly on its way.

Slip sliding away

March seems to be slipping by.  "Real Life" has been intruding here (how dare it?) and I have been a little flustered and unable to focus on my various projects.  And yet some of these same projects are progressing albeit slowly.  I have also managed to gather all my UFO's into one place where I can hopefully whittle down the stack

These came in the mail today:
I don't need to tell you that my mind is overflowing with ideas and inspirations and even a quick glance here says that even more is about to be piled on the overflowing scales.

They will at least entertain me during the remainder of my "busy season" here. 

I am still knitting, and yes sewing some too, but not on anything new or creative, mostly mending and alterations and simple gifts.  Things should slow down a bit in about another week and I hope to be a little more regular in my progress, hopefully with many things to show.

In the meantime I have house guests to attend to as well as various gatherings of the clans and many goings on which require my attention.

Back soon.

Domesticity and Southern Comfort

I finally ordered Jane Brocket's  book and it arrived Thursday.  I have been interested in it since the beginning as Jane's blog is one I eagerly look forward to reading.  But when one's list of books to acquire or read numbers in the hundreds, and one's library in the thousands, sometimes things get delayed.  There was never any doubt that I would get the book, there was only some question as to when, especially as we have been weeding and rearranging the tomes on the walls, and there is nothing more daunting, nor more likely to make me curse under my breath and swear to limit the number of books coming into the house -- for a short time at least.

So this morning when I awoke to the continuation of my cold with throat still parched and sore and the symptoms migrating rapidly to my head, it seemed like the perfect time to curl up near a window to watch the dawn and slowly savor my new book and a cup of tea all wrapped up in a warm mohair blanket.

I had a lovely, leisurely couple of hours.  I did not read quickly, allowing myself to slowly savor the treat, mostly starting at the beginning, but flipping through here and there when my some bit of thick-headedness would cloud my attention. Slowly wending my way through the book is like reading Jane's blog; filled with beautiful pictures and evocative words.  I loved just sitting and dreaming about my favorite things:  yarn and fabric, colors, beads, books, baked goods, chocolate, wine.

I might not have, initially, thought I would be so enamored of a blog that did not revolve around knitting and sewing beautiful clothes, but I should have known better.  I am happiest with books, yarn, fabric, baking, flowers, chocolate.   I am basically a garment sewer and I love beautiful clothes, but I love more than that as well, and this book inspires a different creative impulse.

Such a joy.

While I read, I set up a pot of grits in the double boiler where they could cook slowly at a soft simmer while I read and dreamed.    Grits still speak to me of home and comfort food, and are especially nice when I am slightly under the weather.  Although I grew up with smooth, quicker cooking grits, I have found I love the thickly textured stone-ground grits from Anson Mills  best of all.  They are not fast food, but they fill body and soul.

 

Detanglings and Unclutterings

I am deep in re-organizing, decluttering, and generally clearing my thoughts and my sewing space for finishing up old projects and beginning new ones. 

After a long period of just having too much going on followed by a long fallow period where I just had no motivation to make anything, ideas are flowing again and there is much I want to get done.

But I don't want to jump into all the new ideas and leave all the things that I started last year unfinished, so I am sorting through projects and ideas, thinking about what I still want to work on (quite a bit by the way) and also trying to leave room for new inspirations.  I think I am actually coming up with a pseudo-plan, or at least a rough guide, and I will be updating you about that in the coming days.

Meanwhile, I am sorting through piles, untangling knots, both physical and mental, ripping a few knitting mistakes.

I have a stack of sweaters to work on and far more dreams than I could ever knit.

I also want to finish up many sewing projects that I started last year, and although I also want to jump into new projects, I want to wear the garments I never made as well, so it time to tackle all that stuff so it no longer weighs me down.

Oh, and I did write Patrones.  I should be hearing from them this coming week. Thank you all for the comments and encouragement.  Thank you also Natasha for inspiring me to move forward with this.

One of the decisions I have made is to actually get one of these Patrones patterns made up, sooner rather than later, although I may alternate working on it with finishing up a few of those old projects.